best first messages on dating apps

Starting a conversation on a dating app is one of the trickiest parts of online dating. You've matched, you're curious, but then comes the pause: what do I say? That first message can make or break your chance of actually starting a real conversation.

The truth is, many people stick with boring openers like "hey" or "what's up" — but those rarely get replies. If you're serious about finding a connection, you need something better. In this guide, we'll cover the best first messages on dating apps, with examples of opening lines that actually work and tips to help you stand out.

 

why first messages matter on dating apps

Your first message on a dating app is your digital handshake. Unlike in person, you don't get body language or tone to lean on — so your words need to do all the work. A good opener signals:

• You paid attention to their profile
• You're genuinely interested, not copy-pasting
• You're making it easy for them to respond

That's why choosing the right words is essential if you want to move past the small talk and into real conversation.

 

1. ask about their profile

The simplest but most effective way to start is by referencing something specific in their bio or photos. It shows effort and makes your opener feel personal.

Examples of first messages that work:

• "I noticed you love hiking — what's your favorite trail?"
• "You mentioned you're into cooking. What's your signature dish?"

This type of conversation starter for dating apps gives them a clear path to reply while showing you actually read their profile.

 

2. use playful or fun questions

Humor and curiosity go a long way on dating apps. A playful first message breaks the ice and makes it easier to keep the chat going.

Examples of best opening lines:

• "Would you rather give up pizza or coffee forever?"
• "Teleport anywhere in the world right now — where are you going?"

These work because they're fun, light, and open-ended.

 

3. share something about yourself

Starting with a fun fact or quirky line about you makes your match curious. It opens the door for them to ask questions back.

Examples:

• "I once got lost trying to find a taco place… but it was worth it."
• "I play guitar, but I only know three songs — want to guess which ones?"

These show personality while leaving room for playful follow-up.

 

4. avoid generic openers

It's tempting to start with "hey" or "how's your day?" — but generic dating app opening messages don't stand out. In a space where people get dozens of matches, your first line has to grab attention.

Instead, be specific, personal, or funny. Give them a reason to reply to you and not the ten other "heys" in their inbox.

 

5. use conversation starters that show personality

The best first messages for dating apps highlight who you are while making your match feel seen. Whether you lean on humor, curiosity, or sincerity, the goal is to spark a reply that flows naturally.

Examples:

• "Book recommendations? I'm always looking for my next read."
• "That travel photo looks amazing. Where was it taken?"
• "You've got a great smile — what's the secret, coffee or naps?"

 

final thoughts: the best first messages are authentic

The best first messages on dating apps don't need to be overthought or perfect. They need to feel genuine. By asking questions, showing personality, and avoiding the usual boring openers, you're far more likely to get responses — and build conversations that can actually lead to something real.

If you've been wondering what to say first on a dating app, remember: personalize it, keep it light, and be yourself. That's how real connections start.